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My name is Lauren.
this is where i put my life stories into the web for you guys to read. =)
I'm 19 years of age. and i'm born in Janurary
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Chapters.Pages.Paragraphs.
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Saturday, August 14, 2010
4:58 PM
Thursday, June 3, 2010
" maybe i know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways
to make it alone
keep a straight face
and i've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance
and up until now i had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk
i've got a tight grip on reality
but i can't let go of what's in front of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream "Labels: The Only Exception
11:27 PM
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
And so Yes.
This is the last week where I'll be having my Pink IC with me.
So The past few days have been really spending time with my relatives and close friends of mine?
Except for Sandra who's kinda working now in the same ward with Yong Xiang. =D
I mean he's not THAT bad.
So Sorry It didn't work out.
After what has been happening around me. I'd just like to say that being attached or single. I think it hasn't been affecting me much.
You know i think I'm sculpturing/mouldling into another person from who i used to be.
AM I CHANGING?
Labels: Changeling
11:44 PM
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Steps
Here we are into the minutes where I'll be officially be no relations with being a Student in Ngee Ann Poly.
It's Graduation Tomorrow! So yup. Cheerios to that!
Guess what. Only mum's coming with me Dad's not.
I don't know why but i just feel kind of sad when he can't make it though i know he has work which over rights everything else.
You know if you can't make it for the Ceremony it's fine but you think that we shall not have a dinner at night cause we can't afford is just too absurd! Sigh~
Have i mentioned not that recently has not been the same for me from now and till i don't know when.
Now i'd just really not wanna use the word "Promise" in what i've agreed to.
I'll just try my best to be the part i've agreed to be.
It's Goodbye to the past and Hello to the new start.Labels: Stepping Up
11:43 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
SO
It's the mid day of the week.
Today i'm going to SIA Sports Club with Sean Chi and Mark Keong.
Gonna do some gym and hopefully have the energy to swim after that.
Last night kinda slept at 4 am this morning cause of the stupid iTouch.
Then i woke up at 6 Hours later.
Now i'm still feeling neither here nor there. TSK TSK!
Yehh.
So
Till next time.
Jason is me.
10:46 AM
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Hello. Wet and clamy Sunday Evening.
As another has arrived. I'm just left with say 20 days more before i'm officially going to be serving the nation.
So the last weekends were spent with the funniest bunch of friends that i've made.
Had dinner at Blu Jazz on Friday.
Saturday woke up to celebrate Mark's BELATED birthday and then dinner followed by L4D2 session.
Had acohol with Sean and Bernice by the beach that evening. Talked about nonsense and it was the second time that three of us were hanging out together. Feel so great.
Sunday?
Just got lazier. Woke up in the mid afterNoon and then went to Parkway to get stuffs. Labels: SUN-lazy day
10:35 PM
Thursday, May 13, 2010
De·spair –noun1.loss of hope; hopelessness. 2.someone or something that causes hopelessness: He is the despair of his mother. –verb (used without object)3.to lose, give up, or be without hope (often fol. by of): to despair of humanity. –verb (used with object)4.Obsolete. to give up hope of.
All the people in Facebook now knows you're attached.
Congratulations.
I'm just left here. Speechless. Hopes-less. Lost.
It's just this long feeling that hasn't been felt by me for a long while.
Anyway it doesn't matter it's a fact now that you're someone else's.
You know that's why people are turning gay. Not saying that i am. But i'm just so afraid to be on a female relationship "once more" it's making it sound "no more"
I'd just like to hope that tomorrow will be a better day then what has happened today. For it just painted my night as dark as black can be.
I'm sorry. But i think i'm loosing it. I don't want anymore of this anymore.Labels: De·spair
12:03 AM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
SO yesterday was yesterday and today
Doing housework in a while's time.
I'mma go swimming later.
Then tomorrow's going to Jurong Point to work for dad.
Oh today's Thesally's Birthday. (For Real)
SO it's just me. Jason.
Labels: SO
1:18 PM
Monday, May 10, 2010
Like so how a Monday would be. Collection of Graduation Gown in school while the skies are pouring like there's no tomorrow.
Gym. I'd say it's an accomplishment. I ran 2.4 km! But i guess i'd have to be running faster than today's speed.
You know how much i HATE working for my dad? I've gotta work for him this Thursday again. What is his problem seriously! And you know it's going to be in JURONG POINT! Sigh. To make things worst it's a 12 hours shift! -.- Tell me how am i going to survive ( though it's not as if i've not survived it before ) TSK TSK TSK!!
Like how much i'd wished for a girlfriend to drop from the sky as if she's custom made just for me, I'd want to be just enjoying my days before my enlistment. Why isn't it happening? Why are all my close friends either attached( busy with their love life) or busy in work (which is always an excuse of not meeting with me).
Not that I love ranting. But sometimes you just need to let out those steam that has been stuck in your head for some time.Labels: Rants
11:36 PM
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Just some quotes that i came across when i was reading JUICE issue for May.
On the side note : Iron Man 2 is a Great Show! =)
Jason Signing off. Labels: Statements
12:30 AM
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Went swimming today again.
Havin' a fucked up session now.
This is my post after such a long time.
Nothing that they have done for me seems memorable anymore.
It's so ridiculous to even be the first to volunteer to plan Birthday parties!
Now come to think about it what was i thinking?
To even suggest and come up with the food list.
Who am i to them?
Just a Jason here. Signing off.
10:25 PM
Sunday, April 25, 2010
There you are, sitting in the garden Clutching my coffee, Calling me sugar You called me sugar
Most of my best friends or close friends that i've made would probably know that i've gotten my enlistment letter.
so the date: 05 June 2010
Yup this the date that i'll be enlisted. Cheers!
Labels: Sugar
10:41 PM
Monday, April 19, 2010
Back back Back!
I'm back from Melbourne. Three weeks of pretty places that i've been and with the best company that i can ever imagine.
I'm missing Melbourne already. Missing Laura as well. There's so much that i wanna tell her talk to her. But i guess it's gonna be held up till she's back here in Singapore.
I'd say this trip there have been the Uppest and Lowest side of it. Each where I've learnt to be a better person and to be who i am clearer.
So i'm currently stuck with the fact that i'm Neither here nor there.
That i'm still single and don't know if she wants to be with me or not?
Or even so. Am i even prepared?
Nevertheless this time i've bought new clothes that i've liked to have them and now i Have them in my possession. =)
The thing which i missed most of the trip?
The wonderful time we spent at the dining table and the tiresome roadtrips.
4:21 PM
Monday, March 29, 2010
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
12:27 AM
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
And Here it Starts:
Day One of staying over at my Aunt's Place.
Tonight i got over via Jerm's Bike.
Hmm I tell ya the bike is such a freakin' big vibrator! But i can say he's a safe rider man! =)
Three cheers to you da man Jerms! Thank you for having the trouble of sending me to my aunt's house tonight as well.
Went to play L4D2 just now before heading to Cathay to watch Cop Out! Hilarious i tell you! Was laughing alot just now. then they have to send me back coz it's almost 12.
Anw i don't know why But i'm thinking of someone. Not one but maybe two. Misses
1:15 AM
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Some would say life is a cycle. Cry when you first arrive. Live your life. and when you end it? People Cry when you leave. I'd say life. NO matter how bad it is i've to just live with it. You know like how i am being a nurse seeing my most favourite paitent passed away, the relatives arrive and the break into tears of river. Then i have to have a professional outlook and stay strong so as not to cry in front of them. But i know there's always a differences between strangers and family. Like how we've been brought up in a family. Never associate with strangers because they are baddies and mean people. Never did they taught us that strangers when you get to know them they can be really nice and friendly, that's how we find ourselves being in a relationship.
I guess it's been such a long time since i've typed a post. Like what some would say:" Eh go update your blog leh. It's dying! Very boring leh go there and see every time but then it's not updated"
Well the truth is. I'm actually kinda busy with my life. For god knows what too. So the word "Lazy" kicks in. Forcing me to Sleep, Eat, Nap, Eat, Sleep, and the list goes down in repetition.
So i've been going to curb that habit by Swimming, Tanning and more swimming and tanning for the past week after Ambassadoral Retreat Camp.
So for the upcoming week. i'm gonna do the same ? Just that i've gotta be more hardworking in the laps of swimming and also winning my place in someone's heart.
Three cheers for being able to go out with You again. I feel so satistified with myslef and not to say proud. =) though there were hiccups but it's normal. =)
Labels: For thought.
2:52 AM
Saturday, February 27, 2010
When you look back at the three years of your life as a poly student. What do you miss most? I'd say Friends, Friends and Friends. I think experencing this part of my life alone is never going to be as how i am today? Friends from Nursing, Ambassadors and even students that you've called and made friends from attachments have really shaped this part of me now. Nevertheless i'm more than Happy and Glad and Elated that School has finally end for us! YIIPE!! Congratuations! Though there are two sad things that dawn upon me today. But i guess it's nothing compared to the Vast future that's Right Smacked Ahead of me. - NAPFA
- NS (BMT)
- NS
- Unknown future.
One of the sad things was that i had a "B" for my this attachment. I was definately taken aback by the grade that was presented to me. But what can i say? I deserve what i've attain so i have no complains. Who asks me to be late and not be responsible as what i should have been. The grades speaks for itself. Next was Laura, Yes she has left for Melbourne once again. I just don't know how to describe this sour feeling rekindle again. Maybe cause i feel that now my attachment have ended i'd have more free time.But then she's gone to studies so i'll have one more less person that i can turn to. She left me with a photo and sentences of words. "someday you'll grow into the best person you can be" I am anticipating for that day. =)
Isn't it time to drop me a girl from the skies already ?Labels: Sad things in pairs
12:04 AM
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It's been one of this nights that i just feel like i need to pour out all of this that's been in me. The feeling of not being right, nauses, just not in the right place.
Why don't any girl just come up to me and say " Hey can we hang out? Someday maybe? "
I am just wondering where have all the BOLD girls disappeared to?
First i thought recently i've found V. Then came another K. V is fading from me slowly seeping back into the sea, whereas K never seemed to get emough of me. At first it felt real gud having you around me. Now the feeling's just fading. Idk. Am i really turning back to the road i'm supposed to lead? Cause i'm just so direction-less. No one to love, spend me time with, be with, held in arms with, be with. I'm just huggin my bloster everynight hoping that one day it'll be you. You who never yet to appear in front of me. You who've been hiding from me since Secondary 4. You whom i've yet to show how much i can pour my love at. You You You. I Miss You. I'm afraid that one day You arrive. I don't know how to love you or not interested in You anymore. Labels: You-s
11:51 PM
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lunar New Year's Eve-Aunt's Birthday
As we all should know that tomorrow's the First Day of Lunar New Year and also the day where Couples will be more intense of Lovey Dovey because it's Valentines' Day.
Well i shall not count it's the how many years that i've spent my Valentines' Day being single. So yes. Cupid Angle has been kinda mean to me or maybe he or she is still finding the perfect one for me. Either ways i'm kinda tired of always trying,giving and being nice. Why can't that person dropped in front of me. and then relieve me of every jealousy that i have when i see couples on the street. Sigh.
Then again i'm pretty much happy with my singlehood. Coz at least it's carefree and care-less not be mindful of spending my money. Freedom most of all.
I've not bought my new pair of pants and shoes!
HOW HOW HOW !!!
Don't wanna wear the old ones.
I've not bought aunt her present as well.! Gawd ! All thanks to me waking up at 7 am and forgoing my AM shift. Sigh! Damn It!
If only.
The thing is i can jolly well go alone to do these things but i'm just feeling uncomfortable doing shopping alone? and coz i know i'll spend alot. Labels: CNYE
1:46 PM
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I'm Resuming Trying to talk to you..Starting from scratch.
Read this lyrics from "Oopsy Daisy"
"Me and my heart got crazy issues"
Then i realised it applies to me much.
It's just so confusing sometimes that i don't know what i'd want? Or when i've gotten what i want i might not want it but then i'll crave for it when i don't have. What an Irony!
With Attachment. Every plans are just being screwed up. Sigh. Talking about getting dates and being together with someone. It's just so impossible!
Watched Tooth Fairy just now. Not as bad as what Liyana told me. Had a few loud laughs though. Overall: Nice.Labels: Tuesdays-Wednesday.
12:14 AM
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Saturday.
You don't know what's been planned up for you!
Anticipate and Be Surprised! =)
I hope you'll love it coz we planned it!
2:02 PM
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Shall not give up! Ok?
12:12 AM
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I just woke up from my sleep since 1600 hours this evening.
Now the soft palate of my mouth is hurting like mad.
Guess i'm going to fall sick.
It just gives me a really bad feeling behind the pain at the palate area.
Chills at my finger tips and all over my body.
SHIT! I don't wanna take any Medical Cert not until i end my last month of Attachment.
Thursday it's retake of NAPFA.
I've yet to even try to runa 2.4 for real or practice my Pull-ups.
Sigh.
So much things are happening at once.
I don't seemed to be keeping up with time man.
I'm Tired. Tired of trying even though i know I'm not supposed to stop at anytime now but i suddenly feels that everything's not working out.
It's not only about NAPFA and attachment.
But also this girl.
I've given thought about it recently and asked myself why am i even falling for her. Espicially last night when i came to know about some of the Gib Tounge friends of mine in attachment has to mentioned my name. Why can't you GIRLS keep your mouth shut when it comes to such things ! Gawd !! to think that i dare to trusts you girls with such stuffs.
=(
Now i'm even embaressed to even start a conversation with her or even face her in the future.
Sigh.
"Half way around the world lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down"Labels: Syndicate
10:19 PM
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I'm just afraid of it now.
9:32 PM
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Like maybe i am having a crush on you. But it doesn't mean you can shaft me with questions. So what if you're a girl. I was irrtated by your questions after questions just when we're about to confirm details about today. I asked for 4 and you wanted 730. Then you mentioned that you can't go out alrdy coz you're broke. What do you want me to do then ? You have got my think like ALOT last night when i was with Nikk, Laura, Thoma, Nic and Jeremy. Just imagine if i wasn't with them I'll probably be awkward weird in texting and won't be even texting you like how i texted you last night. I'll be impatient and asking plenty of questions till you're irritated of wanting to meet up with me.
Oh wells. Is this the reason why guys turn to guys instead? Girls like you are just so so hard to pleased and want what you want. I woke up this morning and i asked myself why is this so ?
Heck Care i'm just going to see how this evening goes. If it's coffee talk that you want ultimately Bring It On! I can handle whatever you want and demand Girl. =PLabels: All About You
12:19 PM
Friday, January 29, 2010
So it's the early hours of a Friday and it's the last day being in the Operating Theatre. Well i'd just like to say a Big Thank You to the CI that was with us this whole two weeks. Because if it isn't her i wouldn't have scrubbed twice like what i've wanted and wished, we wouldn't know how the OT works. Sorry for all the sleeping episodes that i've given you =D haha OT is such a conduscive enviroment to lie down anywhere and sleep.
With a someone in my head everyday and thinking about it just makes my day my day.
An anticipated Weekend is coming. Can't wait!! Labels: Freaking Awesome Friday
12:50 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Life.
11:13 PM
Friday, January 22, 2010
Today. Got Posted to G/S OR. Saw the first case and it was just totally filled with Breast Lump Excisions and One Breast Mastectomy.It was kinda eye opening for me.Becoz it's the first time I'm seeing an op that's gotta do with Breasts.To add oil to the fire there's a Mastectomy!I was totally taken aback at how big they can be.
Then i had a chance to scrub a case of Removal of Lump at the Chin.It was kinda simple case though it was the preparation that was kinda tedious Little.When i was out in the room already the little boy reminded me of how i underwent a chin surgery when i was younger in age.But mine was definitely due to a fall from stone-d chairs.It was a short period of recollection that came into my mind.Oh and the Surgeon was a Female Reg. Which totally gave me a great chance to start my first scrub case with a Reg. How Honourable! Anyway Scrubbing is kinda fun.Nothing to be afraid of like how i thought of before i actually did the real thing. Totally worth giving myself another two more tries if time permits the next week.
Read J's Blog today again after telling me that he's dating someone else recently like two days back.I was at first damn emotional,sad,disappointed.Reproached myself again and again after seeing that msn mesage.Worst when i saw his photo with that guy he's been going out with and how much he can relate to the other guy.I'm sorry but i turned green just now and i think i will be green till i find another someone or till Monday comes where B will be back. Oh wells. Screw My Life!Labels: SML
12:00 AM
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Operation In Progress
So it's gonna be in a coop-ed up area for this two weeks.Though we get to wear scrubs.With a price of unable to be out and change fast enought for our breaks.So it's packet food all the way for the next 7 days more.
Fully air-conditioned and cold like a Fridge.It's kinda the feeling of getting freezed.
So the first day i started off being in a OR for Orthopediac.As much as i'd like to describe how the situations were like i don't wanna remember them.It was just bloody, unexpected, amazing.So i saw a case of a Bilateral Femur # so they had to insert implants to both legs. Which consist of many drillings, mallot hittings and Screwlings. Not forgetting PLENTY of X-ray-ings!!
Second day was posted to DSOT for G/S.AS it's DS there were just surgeries like Removal of Haemarroids & Lymphocye Removal from the back.So it was started off by having Removal of Piles. Major using of the Diathermy Pen and then ending with plenty of Lub and suppository.Then was the removal of Lymphcyes.Lignocaine given at the back to numb the area and then to cutting it began layers after layers it went deeper into the affected area.Then slicing out of the lympocyes which looks really mean to the body.Next as DS suggests it ended in the day so i hopped to another OR and it was some removal of Foriegn item in the ear to make things interesting it's for a convict, so the policemen were in ridiculous suits like spacemen.Though not mush of a Drama but it ended pretty fast.
Third day i'm posted to Uro OR.So there were cases like i've not heard before.For example Laser Cystocithotlpsy & Transureatural Resection of Prostate, Right URS & Laser Lithotopsy, Left Uroteroscopy & Laser Lithotripsy KIV DJ Stent Insertion and lastly Circumcision.So there were just plenty of Bladder washout bags hanging to guide the laser and scopes into the urinary bladder and tract.Doctors used the Microscopic camera to guide them throughout the procedure while they view through a "TV" outside. It was kind of interesting just to standby watching the whole process.Getting to know the names of the procedures just add some fun to the day coz they are foriegn to me?So i'd wanna copy down the names and find them out one day so that i'll learn them.Went to CSSD today as well.Though not as very much cold like the OTs but it's the most slack-est Job in the Whole Hospital i can say.Alot of skills for wrapping is being practiced there.So i've had hands-on to wrap one T&S Set and then we were being "Shoo-ed" up to the OTs.But it was Fun down under.
12:57 AM
Friday, January 15, 2010
Ending the posting for Emergency Department is kinda sad thing for me.Today was just what had to happen.The fun of having adrenaline rush to your head, think on your feet and be alert will just be discovered there and end there. Next two weeks gonna be stuck in OT. Unable to be out for even Break-times only in at 8 and out at 4. Gonna be "out of the world" feeling. But i guess with the bunch of those friends that i'll be having with me in the next posting will be paying off all boredom. Had some thoughts about be future all day this week. Where will i wanna be when i'm out from NS? What to do after i've ORD-ed ? Who i'll be after serving the nation for two years? I'm just loss of words and not knowing how to rewply people when they asks me nowadays.
Tomorrow's a Saturday. I'm hoping it'll start and end well. Not saying that i've been having bad Saturdays but the pasts Saturdays wern't really friendly to me. Otherwise i'll be working in the ward. A day later i'll be meeting Laura and the rest. I'm hoping it'll be another funfilled trip where we'll be spending time together and another memory to be added in our folder. =)
 Credits to Mr Peter. =)Labels: Ending ED Start of OT.
11:10 PM
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Remember those times when you are all alone at home and then a Sad Emotional song plays along in the radio.Next, memories of the old times, relationships and memories plays like a silent black and white movie through your mind.You just feel like having someone besode you.Someone who's dearly in your mind day and night.I'm scared for this feeling called love.Everytime when i think i've felt a tingle of it.I always overdo it expressing it many various ways. When it's really here i avoid it like there's no tomorrow.Recently I've been appearing,acting,behaving unlike the jason that you've known.I'm Sorry.I'm just being bothered by some people whom I've met.They've not been very nice towards me, giving me false hopes and signs.But the thing is I'm just..aye nevermind.
I'm 20 this year as most of the people around have known.Secretly i've once again wished for a stable and long relationship with someone.But I guess as tradition-ed it's going to be forfited like the past years.Summer-love,Spring-dates,Autumn-walks,Winter-Getaways they just doesn't seemed to be applicable to my life.Cause firstly i'm in Singapore ( Summer all year round) and Secondly i'm never attached as much as I'd want myself to be.
Replies that i think i'll never forget:
1. you are not useless. if you look around you, there are so many people who go through the same thing. trying hard to find the right person but there usually never is. because there is only one person in this world for us, and you won't be able to find him/her right away. pets can never give you the kind of love people can.
2. what do you mean jason is appearing again? you are fine being jason. sure, there may be some things you need to change (everyone has) but other than that you should be proud of who you are. you are caring and kind, with no ill-intentions.
3. you know, love isn't everything. is it a must for you to find a partner all the time? esp from places like icq? is it not enough to be contented with the people who already love you, even if they are just friends? why not just take a breather and forget about finding love. Just let love find you.
4. Maybe it's time for change in 2010. why don't you focus on yourself. focus on changing what you dont like about yourself, what you think needs change. focus on doing things for yourself. a hobby, a job, working to get things you want. doing things you want to do.
5. it would really help if you stopped going to those chat places? try that for a month. maybe things might be better?
Thank You to the writer who've told me this. I'm ultimately grateful that i've made friends with you. Loves you!! =) Labels: Nemo GO AWAY
11:32 PM
Monday, January 4, 2010
4th Day of the 2010, January
Today another new Posting in a New Department of the Hospital.
The Accident & Emergency Department.
Some of you might just have the images of Grey's Anatomy already flashing in your head.
Some just see images of blood spill everywhere.
For me it's an exciting Department that i've always been wanting to be attached to.
Turned out that it's almost as expected: Fast Paced, Almost Chaotic and Not forgetting Fun! =)
I am just awaiting to be posted to Different Sections inside this Specialised Deparment.
Sections such as Nursing Station,Resus Room, ED OT, Observation Room, ENT Room, Eye Room etc.
Though there are just 10 skills required to be completed in this area i'm already all ready to finished them. ^^,
So Far 2010 Has Been Preetey Fine? I Guess. Apart the fact that there are prone to be some thorns here and there pricking me. *Ouch!!*
By either ways i've still gotta live my life.
Labels: 2010 4th Jan
9:52 PM
Sunday, January 3, 2010
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Labels: Twenty-Ten
1:25 AM
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