My name is Lauren.
this is where i put my life stories into the web for you guys to read. =)
I'm 19 years of age. and i'm born in Janurary
Chapters.Pages.Paragraphs.
Monday, December 21, 2009 Once again the time is here. Festive,Full of Presents But without any snow to enjoy. Yes it is ! Christmas!!
FOUR MORE DAYS TO CHIRSTMAS!!!
Who can be as excited as me? Only Gawd knows how much i'm lovin presents and not to mentioned a day dedicatedto the Season of giving.
This year i'll have programmes all lined up for me to go to :
1) Sandra's Birthday-Christmas Chalet @ Downtown East. 2)My very own Cousin's Christmas Chalet at Changi 3)Christmas Celebration with Affable
Just these three are good enough for me. Not to mentioned someone's getting older yet another year now..
Though this year has been filled up with really stormy days and times when i was drowned by many factors. Those lighthouses are always taking turns to be there for me no matter what. (Thank You Guys =) ) Though some of the lighthouse have seemed to be loosing their light to help me when i'm in need of them the most but i know that they still care.
I just can't bring myself to be mad with anyone now that the most anticipating day of every year is reaching me soon. =) Did i mentioned how much i love Christmas? Yes yes yes i do love Christmas, Don't know why but i love it though till the day i'll be spending it alone this year.
This evening one of which made another history of my life. Abandoning someone that i can call a friend for another person whom i've fallen for. Unforgiveable! But i still did it. Call me Selfish, Self-less,Brainless. That's me.
With no other reasons and hesitations i left my one and so far only friend in this circle and went to meet you. Dinner,Chilling,Talking,Ice-cream,Home. Talking about this friend of mine whom you've find him attractive to you makes me feel so so rejected silently. You said i'm not a speck of your heart. Then what am i ? A friend whom reflects an old you in your past r/s. So??
" Maybe I shouldn't like you further"
My Grandma's maid left the country today Ria's her name. She made me a card saying how much i should behave and a red packet for my upcoming Birthday. I Miss Her. ='(
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 Two Hours from now the Shift Begins.
Shifts that Drains you more than any other, that shows the other side of patients to you, that you have to swallow whatever that has be "thrown" at your face.
Night Shifts. Something that sounds so unimaginative but i survived 1/3 of it!!
I thought about it when i woke up from my sleep this evening and thought of how we might turn out to be or what will be in the few weeks down the road. I just got frightened. Then i asked myself why do i feel this way knowing that we're just friends who've just got to know each other recently only. But i can't contain how much feelings i have for you. You said i reminded you of yourself, and vice versa. Why? Why must you want to take things slow for me?? I'm almost unable to wait...What am i to do? Lost, Helpless, Direction-less.
Monday, December 14, 2009 Tomorrow's the Night Shift Part of PRCP.
Been in contact with someone whom i think i've once again falled for. But this person wants things to go through slow and steady. Well not that i don't like the idea of it, all out for it. But you know sometimes you are single for too long and you just feel like finding a partner and settle down within the quickest time possible.
With Christmas in 11 days more to arrive and Mum's Birthday in 9 Days to come. I'm screwed for not having a single idea to get presents for Both Mum and Sandra for their Birthdays.
Listening to just symphonic music just makes my wild thoughts run slower than it was this afternoon. What happened this afternoon was madness!! When it snowballs all the way to the evening i almost couldn't take it. Boredom took in and i almost went Bersak! like seriously. No shows for me to watch! Hungry! Had no mood to even head out! Missing some idoit so badly somemore!
Last Night as i would like to mentioned. Though it was Really out of the blue that you wanted to meet me. But i'm glad at the same time that we've finally met up. Having chats that i've not given to someone for a loong time. Talking about really anything under the moonlight. The walks were short but were nice at the same time.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
If there's a record of things that i've not done and i've done. Today will be ink-ed up. I went out with a group of gay friends of mine, the thing is they were just pure real friends of which i've actually trusted to go out with. Give me another group of this sort i'll definately reject.
And So you've just read how was my day. Freakin scared, shocked, almost fainted on the spot. But then it turned out fine. Nonetheless to say that they bitched BUT with a triggered fact. Other then that it just seemed pretty fun ( I'd say). Getting a sound system with a cost of 2000 dollars was just something i'll not see myself doing in any future. (MAN!! TMTH) But it didn't felt so awkward afterall. Heading to the movies afterwards. Watched,Survived (another horror movie) Case 39.
Then the whole time i realised that i was unconciously waiting, waiting and waiting for his message. Message of saying "hi i'm busy but am thinking of you." or "hey i'm doing project now. But have you had dinner? it's getting late" But nevertheless without any thinking he didn't texted or not to even mentioned called. What i got when i get home and showered? A miss call. Which i foolishly rushed for the house phone and called him back. Only to realised it's the same " I'll call you back" Wow. Thankz Man.Then you texted saying we are not for each other coz of my attitude.
Attitude of mine. Am i really so bad? isn't being concern what you need from me? a agree i was harsh. but i get back to you the instant you missed call me. How happy and angry i felt. I wanted to tell you off alittle and told you how much i missed you. Messeges of sorry and of my true colours and feeling are now to texted you. Result? i can't predict.
11:52 PM
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 It's the first of December. As much as i can dwell on the past of the First of every month which was supposed to mean our anniversary (by right it's supposed to be our fourth) i will not dwell in the past.
Well today Finally went swimming with Sandra @ Pasir Ris. Went up to visit her Aunt and Grand-Aunt. (Really nice people !!) Played Monopoly and yup it was FUN! =)
It's the second day of my off. Though yesterday i was really moody coz i was stuck like a leech at home. But today paid all off. 10:38 PM
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Fever
Also called: Pyrexia
A fever is a body temperature that is higher than normal. It is not an illness. It is part of your body's defense against infection. Most bacteria and viruses that cause infections do well at the body's normal temperature (98.6 F). A slight fever can make it harder for them to survive. Fever also activates your body's immune system.
Back in Attachment today. FINALLY!!
After the four days of RD and OD. =) Everything seems foreign at first but as fine as the time went by. As much as i felt there were changers there are still things that'll remain the same.
If you search For tenderness It isn't hard to find You can have the love You need to live But if you look For truthfulness You might just As well be blind It always seems to be So hard to give Honesty Is such a lonely word Everyone is so untrue Honesty Is hardly ever heard And mostly What I need from you I can always Find someone To say They sympathize If I wear my heart Out on my sleeve But I don't want Some pretty face To tell me Pretty lies All I want Is someone To believe
Finally when it's here you don't feel it. Eight Days Straight of doing shifts like there's a never-ending period. I'mma have my offs for four straight days From Saturday till Tuesday.
Read Sandra's Blog. She's having thought "Moments" thought again. Huh hur hur.. Then i wondered
"When you're in love you never want to fall out of it."
Then i saw Facebook. Just when RedCamp6 ended. Pictures are just flooding in like nobody's Business. Talking about flooding. Rain recently have been pretty bad. Flooding in NP somemore.Having Videos of the flooding scene everywhere in Facebook. Embarassing!! Thank Goodness Attachment Saved Me. =) haha
Attachment. Sister A. wasn't that bad afterall. She talks to me in mandrian though. (Weirdd) But other than that she's been fine with me. I kinda get along well with her. Don't know why the other guy can't get along well with her. And people seemed to be jealous about it. Maybe they're not. But i can sense it. For Real. Sigh. So hard to please people. I am just going to remain Courteous and that'll be what i am. Isn't this word always make people's day??
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 365 days ago. I was so enthu and high because it's RedCamp5. Being on stage and backstage helping the wonderful awesome group of actors to do up their costumes. Being back on the stage once again. Really brings back memories. The thought of acting just give people like me to be able to express anything that i want to not caring about how and what other people might think about me. How Nice. =)
Good News is: I'm being paid for this Dreadful 4 months!! Bad News is: It's only 10 bucks! Oh Wells at least i'm being paid. =)
So Many People I Miss. So Little Time To Spend With.
Saturday, November 7, 2009 7th November 2009 Saturday.
Went out with Affable 9 today again. This time to celebrate Nicolette's birthday. =) So got up surprised her in
Starbucks @ Sembawang Shopping Center,
Cow Farm and Aeroponics Farm @ Yio Chu Kang,
Vegetarian Dinner @ Chinatown Point.
And that was how i spent my Saturday today. Was filled with so much and now I'm tired for good. =]
Then i came across my mind that this clique of friends whom I've been going out with almost every weekends are just being part of my life already. I wouldn't know what I'll do if i don't have a weekends with them to look forward to. Then i have the attachment clique of girls that I'll choose to go out with when I'm feeling down or just a need to let loose. Then we come to the one and only girl that has been with me since secondary school all through the three years in poly. Though I'm not her number 2 in her list but I'm sure I'm still the best. Then here and there we have people who are in important places as friends for me as such we have Miss Lakeside., Mr forever-shifting-house-guy, Mr Neighbours, Mr Nice-and-macho-guy. These of which are what can i say. Urm they'll be there when you need them just when the people ain't free in one way or another.
Recently, when i was back in school these two weeks. So much has happened. Views on things, people and the way i think have been modified again. Reading people's blog can sometimes make you feel otherwise or the way they want you to feel how their post was being portrayed.
Just when i was typing this post someone whom i haven been talking to came online
asked: " How are you Jason" me: " I've been on a roller coaster ride in my life, ..." replied:" Interesting Summary"
Then i wonder How Have My Life Really Been So Far? Can i say screwed? betrayed? confused? spastic? fun? aimless?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009 How fast can this two weeks be. It's already the Wednesday of the second week of this Stupid Project "_". Where WE have to be in Uniform to go to school.
Had more time spent with my attachment-mates i'd agree on. Get to do crazzy stuff also being under the supervision of this really damn-you're-so-cool lecturer. What else can i ask for?!
Then the News had to come. No more weekends off for us. Fuck-tard!! Looked thru my edited-but-not-comfirmed roster and it seemed pretty fine. =) But altimately. It's U-N-F-A-I-R!! *RAWAR*
Sunday, October 18, 2009 Sunday 18th October 2009 Exactly one week after i last posted on this blog.
Last Friday was awesomely good time spent with Affable. I'm already missing it while typing this. No celebrations or whatsoever just plain having fun and getting loose. Came back in an awfully early time of the night and got scolding. Oh wells. Parents.
Then Saturday came sliding in. When i just thought it'll be a bad one. Turns out to be a direct opposite. Having a time alone for a long period was not that bad. Having Jazzical and just me time seems to fly. Then there was this time when i felt the feeling coming rushing through my veins all coming back to me again. But then i guess it's for that night.
Soon Sunday came by. Fast as it might always be but had an eventful programmes that was laid. Had some achievements though. Ran with Michelle and i improved my 2.4 timing! =) Just the thought of having another one week more of holidays just seems to have everything settled nicely. =)
Use Somebody. This song. Awesome!! =) Not forgetting that i miss Laura, Sandra, and many more. =) *Smile*
Friday, October 9, 2009 Today Marks the end of attachment. Attained a Grade A for attachment this time round. =) Completed all the skills that has to be signed as well. Also it's the Third day i'm feeling unwell due to the freaking two burgers that my sister got from Bangkok. and I just vomitted just now, should i say small amount (yes it's small amount)
As you can see that this time my attachment was a pretty awesome achievement to attain. But still i don't feel that great about it. Coz i'm currently not feeling very well. Here are the photos that were taken today:
Take Last night. You had a call to me when i was in the mist of doing smth during my shift. Then there was this emergency for ETT insertion for this newly transferred patient. It just makes me feel how vunerable life is. Why can't people like youreself treasure someone who cares all out for you and looks after you. Why take me for granted and take me as someone whom you think is disposable when you're no longer in need of. Then this morning another case of death. The once funny,joyful,kind hearted old granny passed away this early morning. I can still vividly remembered those words she described me as similar to her kids. Two emergency cases just when this six weeks come to a stop. It just shows how life is for me.
Photos is the topic today.
I guess i've used this before. You know the song Photo by Ryan Cabrera? It's on repeat mode now. The words, melody, song. Just brings back fond memories from the past and the current. From the very first one to you the one. I see myself falling each time trying very hard to pic myself up. Till now. I'm just tired. Physically drained, Mentally exhausted, Emotions rushing.
Just when attacment is drawing to an end. I've just getting used to the way things works there. I went to the max today. Taking charge of 4 cases. Though one was for discharge but it was afterall challenging. Seeing myself being occupied every minute. It has once again made me change my mind of being in this profession.
As the time,hours,minutes and seconds passed. I don't feel that i'm in need of you anymore.
Depressing?? Coz i was being scolded and i couldn't meet what i've aimed.
Tired?? NAPFA drains you inside out to add it on there's an eight hour of attachment after that.
Lonely?? I'm in the most down day today. I felt i was emotionally beaten, struck to the ground just fallen. Where are you when i needed you the most of all times now. Do i really deserves this treatment from you?
Monday, September 28, 2009 Today's another Monday..
Into the 5th week of the 6 weeks attachment. I guess i've learn as much as i've not expected to have. Many things have be taught and like a sponge i tried to soaked up as much as i can contain.
Like a sponge i've tried to be. Just absorbs and let it all out when it's time. But it's never been easy.
Emotions are a big part of my life nowadays. Talking about being emotional. I have been kind of used to it. So much so that it has become part of an everyday thing. Waking up realising that it's another day that he's not going to talk to me. Not contacting me. Not replying me. To cut of all communications with me. I've been reflecting every single time when i have a chance ever since that night you texted me your decision. It was you who taught me green is not an ugly colour afterall.
Songs..Creations that are ever so wonderful and so relatively so easy to relate your feelings and moods to. I just love 'em. They're just Gorgeous. =) Talking so. I've got this song from Kelly Clarkson. It's called "Already Gone"
Perhaps love is like a resting place A shelter from the storm It exists to give you comfort It is there to keep you warm And in those times of trouble When you are most alone The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window Perhaps an open door It invites you to come closer It wants to show you more And even if you lose yourself And don't know what to do The memory of love will see you through
Oh, Love to some is like a cloud To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on And some say letting go And some say love is everything And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean Full of conflict, full of pain Like a fire when it's cold outside Thunder when it rains If I should live forever And all my dreams come true My memories of love will be of you
And some say love is holding on And some say letting go
And some say love is everything Some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean Full of conflict, full of pain Like a fire when it's cold outside Or thunder when it rains If I should live forever And all my dreams come true My memories of love will be of you
Monday, September 21, 2009 Today was a rainy Public Holiday.
Woke up feeling not quite right. Had a talk about friendship with Laura again. Cried.
Showered and head to Grandma's house after that for training.. Actually didn't really ran till like about 6? Coz Bleach was soo tempting!! haha..
Anyway did my promised..Ran 6 rounds and climbed up 16 stories of stairs. I think i'll run tml again..Not a thought but an effort i'm going to make. Coz i gotta be really ready for NAPFA. =( Damn just hoped that the people there are nice to guys. =X Now's left sit-ups,incline pull-ups, jumps shuttle run..
The Days seems to draw nearer day by day. But Time seems to crawl.
On Friday. Last day in Ward 39~~!! So wished it hadn't ended. Thank You for all the Guidance and Teaching and Imparting the skills to not only me but the 16 of us. I guess you guys have made a change in not only in your lives but our lives too. =)
Saturday. After what has happened. Went out to meet with Sandra, Shane, Jierou and Benn after my survey. Snap a pretty much amount of pictures. And it made me realised how much that Friends. One thing about them is thou sometimes they are not there when needed but there when you needed them the most. I guess sometimes it's just a person's willing-ness on something that they want it to happen or not. A choice as some might say.
Just a song for what i'm feeling and sings what i'm going through. Is it me ? Or is it why chinese songs are the songs that are so relative to what i'm feeling. Leading me to listen to them when i'm always feeling down,crumpling and lost.
Today i got results both for clinicals and exam's. For clinical: I got a B+. Wow. Feedback was: ".....please give others a chance....i know you're always proactive and all but please help each other...." Something which i think i overlooked this time. Maybe it's beacuse my objectives wern't clear in the first place. leading to such actions. For exam: I attained at GPA of 2.9219. Sounds Good huh? Then i realised that my Cumulative GPA: 2.3424. Wow! Totally gave me a 180 turn.
Now after some time being in what i've been. i'm trying to take it easy. not thinking too much. Though i still need to say: I've put in my most in this. I really don't want this to end. I've given you all that i can give. Provide you with all my might. Agreeing things that i've never did before. Talked and did what i've never thought i'll do in my life. I can say i have fall in love with you. And you? Not a respond? just solem answers when i tell you what's going wrong. (Did i do the right thing? I wonder) I was doing all that i can so that this day won't ever arrive. But it's coming. Please don't let it end just like this. =( I'll be lost in the ocean forever.
1:02 AM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Today's Thursday. September 17th in the year 2009.
I did afternoon shift. While i was supposedly to be in Team 2 for the ward i've been in the past three weeks. But then i was being appointed to be in the High Dependency Area instead. High Depemdency as we all can tell that the words speaks a strict monitoring of the patients in the room itself. SO Yes i was being assigned to be in there. Doing stuffs such as Blood Transfusion Monitoring, Hourly Parameters, Hourly SMU (Safety Measured Urine), Setting up Drips for patients, transfering of patient etc. Well it might just seemed like a handful. But it really made me busy enough to have thought that ''Hey it's coming to the end of shift." But anyway it was true for the nurse who was in-charge to tell me that i'll be learning alot from her today. Which i did! (Thank You) =) Then i realised how fast time flies. As we all know time does files. Have you ever had this time of period where you are just begining to form a bond with the people that you've been working with? and then time comes and knocks on your door saying "it's time please move on". I think i'll miss the staffs from this ward. As i have to be going to another. Thinking back i was full of negative thoughts about being in this ward and wanting to get outta there asap. But now. I think i'm having second thoughts. =X
Anyway i've gotten them a card and a box of Ferror. =)
I think i'm getting boring. Like there's no photos to be up loaded nowadays in my blog. Which isn't something that is normal?? Coz i used to be a cam-whore! and takes photo about just anything that i feel like taking..
I used to see people having cameras and snapping like nobody's business. and when i look at how i take photos. it's all via my phone. Which is only of a 5 MegaPixle phone. Though i'm not grumbling what and how pictures are taken and their quality ( i don't really care) .
With scenes, places, people, emotions being captured in just a piece of evergreen memory that is capable of making someone's day or just bringing it down.
Now i'm listening to Timeless. A title so simple yet with many definitions.
Timeless love~
I was just thinking if only i'm not in Nursing. What will i be in? What will i be doing? Where am i now?
Baby cried the day the circus came to town 'cause she didn't want parades just passin' by her So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown While she danced without a net upon the wire I know a lot about 'er 'cause, you see Baby is an awful lot like me
Don't cry out loud Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings Fly high and proud And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down They left behind her dreams among the litter The different kind of love she thought she'd found There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter But baby can't be broken 'cause you see She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told 'er
Don't cry out loud Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings Fly high and proud And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Don't cry out loud Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings Fly high and proud And if you should fall, remember you almost made it
Don't cry out loud Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings Fly high and proud And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Today's a Sunday. Another week that's here that i have to be in. *heaves a sigh*
To think that i'm pretty heartless to have forgotten my own sister's birthday.. =X and i didn't know about it till the next day. oh well see i told ya i'm tired and stressed up and can't be bothered with people when attachment starts. i mean not that i'd want to but it's un avoidable.
I spent the whole day at home on Saturday at grand's house playing maple and the Sunday with friend to spend time before starting this week over again.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Today. Finally a Thursday! Meaning a week is almost passing.
And me?
Well i don't know. I guess life is still pretty much the same.
Last night was a disaster. I can't say how much i feel right now in words. Because i just feel that i'm going to loose something in my life that's really important. Somthing that's going to be my worst nightmare. I don't want any changes in my life anymore!! i just want things to be just the same and mundane as 1st August.
I'm listening to a song called "Smile" and i'm not even doing so. Why so?? Why is such thing happeneing right now!? I'm at a total loss of things to do to make you feel better right now. How am i suppose to know when you keep all to yourself. You've said you love me and you miss me. Now?! Do you still do that?! I'm begaining to doubt myself about your words.
Today's the first day of the 6 weeks rotation of Surgical and Medical Ward. and I'm already dreading it since the night before.
As attachments starts i hope I'll have more time to spend with you. With much misses, loves and thoughts of you makes me feel like wanting you every moment. Imagine now's only holiday. What if school starts?! And your CCA resumes?? I'm gonna be so shit!!
I've gotta be BE. =)
Anyways the people I'mma working with are new, old, never-worked-before going to see how it's gonna turn out!!
Faster be back from outside!! I wanna see talk and hear you!!
Friday, August 28, 2009 Have you wondered how you lived your life ?! Have you wondered why you live your life this way ?? Have you wondered if it is supposed to be this way ??
Have you....
This is the topic that i'm going to blog on tonight. I know there are lesser people viewing now (not that i have Nuffang like Miranda who tracks people like nobody's business)
This is what i had my mind thinking when i heard the song "That's what friends are for" on the radio. YouTube the next moment i know and found many versions on how it was being sang by one of the most famous four artists. The meaning seems to just never change.
Going onto the topic that i am going to touch on. "Have You.." These two words may just seemed to be the beginning of a sentence but they however seem to mean much to people when they think. Me for example. Have i been a person I'm supposed to be ?? I definately can't answer that well cause I've been so not myself so much that I'm so used to it already. A habit that I'll hate to admit but yes I'm and have changed. not that i hope i won't want myself to appear again but i think things change for a reason things happen for a reason as well.
"Have i stop thinking ?" This is probably a question I'll ask myself every time when i get emotional. the answers is definately a big no no! well simply cause too many things have and has happened to me. So much so that I've learnt to be a hermit crab. A hermit crab that puts on a mask and going desperate on things that i want to have really badly to keep by my side.
"have you ever wonder why things don't go your way??" I always have this as my issue!! not that i would dread to have but it's just sometimes when you are low and sad and alone. This questions for the simples problem in me just arise like Tsunami (yes it's that bad !! ) why is it still happening when you've promised?! Why am i still clinging onto you when I'm so unsure about you at all. Why why why why?! Is this why it should be happening?! I don't know. I really Don't know. Don't Cry Out Loud.
Listening to this song has a real big meaning to guys mann i say!! We are hurt sometimes but we can't and told "Don't Cry Out Loud" because we're guys. Whao!! I think that person who invented such a phrase is real Man Man!
I can't help but i think it has be drill-ed into boys-turning-guys that when sad things happen we don't cry. (for me I'll force myself to =X ) But sometimes it just comes naturally. like I'd like it to happen now. But i just won't listen. Hate it!
No Boundaries
These two words brings really a HUGE meaning to many things. (so does the song!!)
I've tried to tell myself each time when I'm on a new relationship I'll have to give that person freedom. Easy as i may type and say but never an easy peasy tasks that i can execute. I mean i really really wants it to happen but doesn't it ?! I then came to a partial conclusion that maybe it's the trust that I've not been gotten enough. Something that contributes a factor into being in a relationship.
Sometimes people forgets about their promise-s made.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
it's another pair of weekends that have ended.
I spent my day today reading writing notes. But i guess it's still not up to the standards yet. I guess i can push myself even more. I'll start from tml to exercise the regime of studying for this friday's paper and the follwing monday's paper.
when you look back the days and months you realised that time really files.
Especially when you are so F-ed up in school. With so many mountains of major projects that you have to rush and complete. And when you have done so. The exams rush into your world like an express train. Totally knocking you off guard.
Today i was talking to one of my Friends on the phone. she mentioned that" eh you this few days seemed to be uninterested in playing facebook already hor ? " To her question my answer was a polite " no man i'm just......busy"
Wonder why people including me uses the word "Busy" as an excuse so much that it has become a part of MY life in this case. I guess it's not only i truth that people would use it to not attend or even be involved in something. But sometimes it's the people or the environment i would say are just so ignorant?? navie?? gossipy ?? I really don't know or should i say understand why are there existance of such clan of people who just don't have their own lives to live. I mean it's a truth of my PERSONAL LIFE and why should i let you know?! It's prerogative to want others to know of my life or not. You don't go around asking people or for YOUR case FORCING people to add you just because you're curious about my relationship with that person. GROW UP!! If if you don't get the way you want it. Oh happily bitch about it on the web, leave messages all over people's wall. Shish!! You know you may be all ''powerful'' in ''influcencial'' now. But hey KARMA does happen ok. You people are just living the blossom period of the time only. Till that day when you witter and dies down. I won't wished to even be anywhere near or contactable from you.
I guess this post is not really a post. i supposed. Many things has happened around me. I'm trying to just not let people around me know too much nowadays unless necessary. Even the closest is/are not being awared of. I just hope that this will remain. Coz i'm sicked of tell a handful of you things which i have to repeat again and again.
Friends come and Go. Realtionship comes and i'll never let go. You? I keep you close. Live my life live yours.
Sunday, August 9, 2009 Credits Google for the picture above.
Happy 44th Birthday Singapore !!
Without the exsistance of you. I don't know where will i be man! Like i'm so patriotic to be a Singaporean though i don't really tell people that but i'm so so proud to be a Singaporean. =) once again i'll always not miss the fireworks after the performances. I just hope this year will be nicer than the last. Though i have people telling me it has dropped standards.
P.S. I'm still here though..Didn't went to watch fireworks neither did i left the house or een watched the telecaste from the tv. This year i think the fireworks must be really awesome!! Not forgetting the performances too.. =( Now about our own birthday. My next birthday will fall on the days of torture! It'll be in the mist of PRCP.. My stupid ridiculous 6 months attachments in CGH. I was just telling Sandra how sucky and sadd i'll be when that day comes.. She happily say Bo Bian. WLE!! haha Anyway i think i've mentioned before there only a few days that i live for in life. 1) My Birthday 2)Chinese New Year 3)Christmas Day
Yea..These are the three days..The rest are just nothing to me. (apart from another person's birthday that is =P ) haha Oh and For Valentine's it's not a day i'd lived for but a day where i'll be giving more love to myself and my partner. =) hehe..
I'm still in the mist of excuting this freaking assignment of mine that has to be handed up by this week's Wednesday.. Sigh that's why it's partly why i can't go for the Fireworks as well..Oh well..it's back to slogging again..
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saying i love you is not the words i want to hear from you.
Sometimes i wonder someone or some people is toying with me ? Or rather i feel that way? I mean it's so hard to tell. Espicially when you have made an obvious move to someone but then they don't get the hint. (know what i mean?) It's juat a text mesg from me YES. But ask yourself if you've been thought of or not that's why i texted you or else i wouldn't even be bothered to do so.
Some people are just soo hard to catch. and some when you or they are not your catagory they just come pouring towards you like the rain this afternoon silently but causes inconvenences everywhere.
11:52 PM
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Just a song for memory sake. Just one song. Just a choice. Just this.
In the years to come Will you think about these moments that we shared
In THE years to come Are you gonna think it over And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every way So say goodbye But don't you cry 'CAUSE true love never dies
In a year from now Maybe there'll be thing we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now Maybe we'll see each other Standing on the same street corner though it rains
Each and every end is always written in the stars If only I could stop the world I'd make this last
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts, is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every way So say goodbye (so say goodbye) But don't you cry 'CAUSE true love never dies
And when you need my arms to run into I'll comfort you Nothing will ever change the way I feel
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts, is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every day So say goodbye But don't you cry
Tired from everything. Tired from life. Tired from any relationships and friendships.
I am going to sleep all of them away. Everything seems so complicated nowadays.
~...All of the things that i thought were so easy, Got harder and harder each day...~
Life has been so harsh on me. Cash, people around me..Just seems to have changed. ~...everybody's changing and i don't feel the same...~
Friendships and Relationships have come to an end for me during the past few days. Some even required me to explained some required me to begged it'll never end. But they both ended eventually no matter how much i tried to salvage.
~...Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny...~
Sunday, July 5, 2009 Sometimes people forgets what they promise and they end up not doing it. And to think that they say " i've booked you for it hor, you better be free kay"Whao! How wishful was it to believe that huh. And then the next thing i know you've watched it with some other people.Is it me who've changed or is it you who have changed ?! I don't know. Don't wanna know. Don't wish to know either. Anyways AYG today ended real early! Like whao! Races were all smooth and thank goodness when everything was over it rained. =) *Phew!*And~ Mi Mi was a great company today =D haha..If only we were paired together yesterday..HAHA!!..
Today doing AYG was fun!! Exciting and as well as RELAXING !!
Mmmhmm well i emphasis on the word Relaxing is because. it's really is!
i could even take naps so many times. =D
tomorrow i'm gonna bring along my PDA and storybook. or maybe notes of NSL? =D Hmm..yes i should do just these. haha. Well basically being a medic in this event is for the spectators. but then unfortunately * fortunately there isn't much people to be at such an ulu place to start with to even be there to watch the competition seems more ridiculous. right ?!=)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009 The day where we have go outing without you has arrived. The day where we'll miss you every time when we're together. The day where we'll have to wait till 6 months later before we can see you again. The day was yesterday. Last Night.
We never thought the day would creep up to us so fast.
i'm sorry for crying so badly when Thoma read the letter you had for the nine of us. it was because you meant so much more than a tuition fren, driver, ambassdor senior to me.
I'll always remember the times we had together. The ice-cream talk that we had. The upteen times of ignoring me when i talk nonsenses. The rides that you've given me(Thank You). The times we watched movies with the rest. The late nights of playing L4D. Wow!!
Unknowingly Laura do you know that you've changed my life in every way that's possible. you have become a best fren to mine overnight. Even though we met even before i went into NP and then joined Ambassadors because you told me too. I Thank You seriously from the Very Bottom of my Heart. Laura. I'll miss you truely, badly, deeply.
I'll await the day in December arrives. When we can be hanging together, playing L4D together and gossip together again.
Sunday, June 28, 2009 Two weeks sonce i've came here.
These two weeks have been err.. How should i put it. Erm. i wonderous, unforgettable, memorable weeks that i've spent.
In the absence of studies any other thing cannot go wrong.
TnB camp came first. An ambassadors camp where the year ones get a chance to meet the seniors for the very first time. New friendships have been forge and the start of a new journey for the newbies. With the leadership programme being held, sleeping in an exam hall, welfare sections, a psychedelic dinner and a performance being put up. Nothing more can be compared than that three days that the generations of ambassadors have spent.
Next up was YLC2 Amature for being an Overall in-charge of a camp was a challenge to me. Glad that everything went well from the lodging to the food and the great responds from people here and there. This has been the greatest and the best YLC camp that I've attended and planned. Giving applause to all the people that has helped me in one way or another or has given me assistance. Joyce, Karen, Chia May, Charles and all the SLs that have come forth to helped me Thank You. this camp wouldn't run so smoothly.
Then we have the ever on-going farewell for Laura Heng. Due to this events that have taken place a few people has had some unhappiness but then i just hope that you guys out there know that Laura is someone who's not only a senior ambassador to me, not only a friend to me but someone who's special and unique and my bestest mate so far apart from Sandra that is.
That's what i've been and my life is so far. For those people, classmates and schoolmates i'm sorry that i can't spend my this holidays with you guys but i will try and do my very best to spend more time with you guys.
Time has creeped up on me and i'm learning to treasure each moment.
With people from all locations of Singapore all cluster to one place. It's a total mess!!
With the IT fair reaching it's last day today at the Suntec Conventional Center it's definitely not missing out in any chance to attracts people to go down and get those gadgets.
Well it's not me that's so ridiculous who wants to go down to squeeze with those Aunties and Uncles and parents with prams. It's because my lovely sister of mine wants to get herself a new digital camera. So we rushed like some Kan-Chiong-Spiders from our house to the Fair.
After going through many counters we finally got to get a full redemption of the Camera. Yay!!
Then we went seperate ways and then i went to go for a haircut.. Whao i'm really surprised with the hair-stylist. I SWEAR!! She made me look really different from how i used to look like. For those who know me in person will know that i've always been in the same hairstyle. But this lady from Chapter2 Transformed me !! AHH!! Yes !! Just What i needed for my photoshoot for tomorrow. =)
Anyway if you wanna know how i look like i'll try and snap lots of pictures tomorrow =)
Friday, June 12, 2009 Finally the turmoil is over !!
The days of stressing on which topics to be concentrated on, whether the notes gets through the thick skull or not and also worrying if the Paper will be a killer or not.
Then today finally arrives !! HAHA
Finally lots of sleeping time is here.. and freedom? haha
Not really.
Campz camps and photoshoot coming up. Keeping fingers-crossed that i'll still enjoy this sloe holidays that i'll be having.. =X
Anyway before this place becomes a real wordy blog i shall post some pics :
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Today's a Wednesday. Middle of a week.
The paper was sucky, felt stupid, totally screwed!!
Well i think this will probably the last time i'm going to go into an examination hall skipping the reading time.
I mean can't lecturers be real angles and give us tips for a Common Test! C'mon if other modules can do so why can't yours? Is it because yours are non-examinable modules ?!
I don't know man. Maybe it's us students who're just not studying hard enough ? But i really did try my best to study and copying down those notes in the lecture.
As i'm typing this thursday arrives. So Hello. Thursday hope that today will be a better yesterday.
Thursday, June 4, 2009 Thursday's entry (Gotta clarify due to someone who's SO blur)
Today's Song of the day thou it wasn't this song that i wanted to put here but anyway it kinda really meaningful from the start of the song. So here you go guys. One of my all time favorites. =) Not forgetting the lyrics as well:
Melee Lyrics - Build To Last Lyrics
I’ve looked for love in stranger places but never found someone like you someone whose smile makes me feel I’ve been holding back and now there’s nothing I can do
‘Cause this is real, and this is good It warms the inside just like it should most of all most of all, It’s built to last It’s built to last
All of our friends saw from the start so why didn’t we believe it too? now look, where we are you’re in my heart now and there’s no escaping it for you
‘Cause this is real, and this is good It warms the inside just like it should but most of all most of all, it’s built to last
Walking on the hills at night with those fireworks and candlelight you and i were made to get love right cause this is real, and this is good it warms the inside just like it should but most of all most of all, it’s built to last
‘Cause you are the sun in my universe consider the best when we felt the worst and most of all, most of all most of all, most of all, most of all. most of all it’s built to last
Bright cold silver moon Tonight alone in my room You were here just yesterday Slight turn of the head Eyes down when you said I guess I need my life to change Seems like something's just aren't the same What could I say?
Today ended just as it's supposed to end for a Wednesday. Should it been like this or should it not be like this?? I Wonder..
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I'll need a little good luck to get me by
What do i really need?? Is it someone who'll be by my side? Or Is it someone whom i need to confine when i need??
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
With no one whom i can turn to now. Staying single and happy is it even possible?
I stare up at the stars I wonder just where you are You feel a million miles away (I wonder just where you are) Was it something I said? Or something I never did? Or was I always in the way? (Was it something I did?) Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
If only i can turn back time. If only there's still you beside me, answering me, care about me.
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
Do i really need such things called Chance? Luck? Fate?
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit But every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
The reson why i had the lyrics of this song used as part of my post is because i was walking back from interchange just now and i was totally into this song. I think it's the perfect song in the perfect time of the day or rather night as it sounds better.
Well the blogger is still surviving this ordeal that he's going through. I will survive so can you.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009 Finally.. Nursing Science Lab Practical is tomorrow. Don't know about how other people feel abt this but i kinda feel a little relief from it. Because i can finally get a hurdle over and done with it.
Well i kinda gonna get myself stressed up from now onwards because CT is coming knocking on my door real soon. and i got myself involved in the next camp that's coming up. So yupps Much of plannings and work and study to do.
No worries i'll still be trying my best to blog as frequent as possible. =)
Today was well not a bad Monday.
Get to meet Nages to get to and off from school. Talked quite abit with her. Had a two hour lecture for NS5 and then headed home with Nages and then Dinner downstairs with my aunt,cousin and Grandma. =) Really happy about the tiny idea of bringing grandma down for dinner. Because she's most of the time cooped up at home.
Anyways about me being so caught p in work. I kinda realised that i'll be neglecting some people whom i don't wish to even talk to right now and also some whom i'm really missing the hell out of me. I guess this is the way which i can use to concentrate on my studies and all. Keeping Fingers Crossed. I'll Promise that i'll get the recession lunch i will get it.
Monday, June 1, 2009 Today's post is about someone whom i've just ended my call with not along ago.
She says that being a fren for such a period of time. We don't need to know each other so well. -I agree. yes we don't. But the main point is i don't even know you well darling. You know that this person(who just know her not long ago) knows me better than me. -Whao!! A round of applaus for him then. Because he knows you way better than me when you've just met him at such a short notice.
you call me evrytime when you can't sleep -what do i do ?? talk to you. know your ''details'' only on the surface.
when you call to tell me about your troubles -i only know the facade of them. never the true details and nitty gritty of them
you call to tell me you're bored -what do i do? i have to cheep you up, talk to you listen to your ''troubles'' which then again are just the dermis layer of them.
you then tell me things about this person and then another -what can i do? listen and give comments and views about them.Ultimately you'll hav your own stand and then you carry out your own way. then again i see no point in why involve me in the very first place.
When we tell ppl we're soo many years of frens. i beg to wonder if it's even true. because i know you far lesser than the amount of years that we are.
Words. are just one letter at least and i take them as seriously.
Perhaps love is like a resting place A shelter from the storm It exists to give you comfort It is there to keep you warm And in those times of trouble When you are most alone The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window Perhaps an open door It invites you to come closer It wants to show you more And even if you lose yourself And don't know what to do The memory of love will see you through
Oh, Love to some is like a cloud To some as strong as steel For some a way of living For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on And some say letting go And some say love is everything And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean Full of conflict, full of pain Like a fire when it's cold outside Thunder when it rains If I should live forever And all my dreams come true My memories of love will be of you
And some say love is holding on And some say letting go And some say love is everything Some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean Full of conflict, full of pain Like a fire when it's cold outside Or thunder when it rains If I should live forever And all my dreams come true My memories of love will be of you
Saturday
Yesterday was a total Late for everything day.
I woke up late.
Report for Ambass Duty late.
Late for meeting up at Laura's house.
I'm feel kinda sad now not the only reason that Laura's gone to Aust for only six days for now but also i feel so lost draining of emotions aimless.
Each day i go to school for the sake of going to school. No feelings, emotion, robotic. That's how i have been feeling since unkown when. But yea. a Song for you guys to hear during the weekends.
